Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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