the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
