Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
