and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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