You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
