New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
