you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
