I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
