some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
