Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
