he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I am available for nakedness
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize