dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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