i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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