YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize