Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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