I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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