I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
