my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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