saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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