This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
my being single is dangerous.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
