he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
even my farts smell like vagina
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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