): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
