It's Friday. Sex?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
