I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
