bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just google imaged poop.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
