I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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