I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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