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I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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