and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
