If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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