He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
