she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
