fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
