He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
