i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Just puked most of my soul out..
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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