I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
