I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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