My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
