And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
