good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize