Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud š³
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
its liver damage thursday
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
