Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
