Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
