im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize