you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
