I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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