can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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