Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
