apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
