This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
