Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
