He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
