My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
