used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
