I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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