We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
