with your own penis?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
