this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
