I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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