I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
