we're making bets on your personal life
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
