I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
