if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
