ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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