they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
