she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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