If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
