I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
