I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
