My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
