He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize