What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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