I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
